Her mother, who is fairly wealthy, is covering many of the expenses, including her gown, the food, the drinks, and several other items, while her father, who is divorced from her mother, is paying for the venue. My side of the family is paying for the rehearsal dinner, and my dad is covering the honeymoon.
Her mom, who tends to be very controlling, has taken it upon herself to decide what everyone should be wearing. She selected my fiancée’s dress even though my fiancée wanted something different. She chose the colors for the bridesmaids and groomsmen. She’s even trying to control what colors my family is allowed to wear.
Before she ever stepped in, I had already decided that I wanted to get married in a brown double-buttoned suit that would be custom-made just for me. Everything was already arranged, and I had chosen a bespoke tailor. To show what the suit would look like, I generated an image of the same color and showed it to my fiancée to see how she felt about it. She loved it and thought it would look great on me and match the venue colors and what everyone else would be wearing.
Apparently, my future mother-in-law hates the suit, or at least the color, and she started sending me other colors she thinks I should wear instead of brown. I’m not completely opposed to changing the color in general, but the real issue is that her suggestions are awful. She wants me to wear a pink, skinny suit that looks terrible and cheaply made. (See pictures in comments)
When I told her that I was sticking with my bespoke brown suit, the situation quickly turned from a “suggestion” into a full-blown ultimatum. She told me that she has a specific “vision” for the wedding and that my choice of brown is “drab, dated, and depressing.” She claims that because she is the primary benefactor of the wedding, she should have the final word on the “color story” of the event.
The pink suit she wants me to wear is honestly a nightmare. It’s a shiny, polyester-blend neon pink that looks like a cheap costume. Beyond the look, it’s a “skinny fit” from a fast-fashion website, and I am a broad-shouldered man—I would likely rip the seams just by trying to sit down. I’ve already put a non-refundable deposit down on a high-quality, wool-blend bespoke suit that makes me feel confident, but she doesn’t care about my comfort or my preference.
Things escalated last night when she sent a group text to me and my fiancée stating that she had already contacted the catering company to “pause” the next payment. She explicitly stated that if I didn’t “stop being difficult” and agree to the pink suit, she would stop paying for the food and the open bar.
My fiancée is now in a state of total panic. She hates the pink suit as much as I do, but she’s heartbroken at the thought of the wedding falling apart over a wardrobe choice. She already gave up her dream dress because her mother forced her into a different one, and now she’s asking me if I can just “bite the bullet” and wear the pink suit for the ceremony just to keep the peace.
My own family is outraged. My father, who is paying for the luxury honeymoon, told me that I shouldn’t let myself be “bought and sold” by a woman with a checkbook. He thinks if I give in now, she will be controlling our lives, our future home, and our future children forever.
I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to be the reason my fiancée’s wedding is ruined or why we end up $20,000 in debt to cover the costs her mother drops. But at the same time, the thought of standing at the altar in a cheap, neon-pink suit that I hate—looking like a prop in my mother-in-law’s social media photos—is making me dread my own wedding day.
Am I the jerk for standing my ground on the suit I want, even if it risks the entire wedding budget? Or do I just need to swallow my pride, wear the pink polyester, and realize that this is the price of a “free” wedding?