I (40F) own a two-bedroom house where my mom (60s) lives rent-free. She’s retired on a minimum wage pension and has serious health issues, so I also support her financially. I live far away and only visit a couple of times a year, so my bedroom is empty most of the time. The arrangement has worked well for us: she has a stable home, I help cover expenses, and we maintain a healthy balance between support and independence.
Yesterday, something happened that completely blindsided me. My 70-year-old uncle casually texted my mom:
“Hi, my wife and I want to move to get rid of rent. Can we just stay with you?”
My mom panicked and called me, clearly unsure what to do. It was obvious she didn’t want him moving in, but she also couldn’t bring herself to say no directly. I decided to contact him myself to try to understand the situation.
“Hi, Uncle,” I said, trying to keep the tone calm and conversational. “I got your text. I wanted to understand your situation. Do you have debts, pension issues, or other financial concerns we could talk through?”
His response was blunt. “I don’t want advice. I just want to cut costs. Your mom’s house is free, expenses are covered, it’s perfect. We just move in, easy.”
I honestly laughed. I know that probably sounds rude, but my first reaction was disbelief. He expected me—or rather, my mom—to bankroll his retirement just because he was family. My uncle has a long history of poor financial decisions, and now he was treating my mom’s home as a solution to his lifelong habit of dodging responsibility.
I tried to regain composure. “Uncle, I don’t think this is reasonable,” I said. “Mom’s home is her space. She’s already getting by with support from me, and it’s not fair to suddenly expect her to take on more, or for me to finance your lifestyle.”
He became defensive immediately. “You’re the AH! My only son died young. I have no one else!”
I paused, letting that sink in. For context, he abandoned his first wife and son decades ago, married his current wife who had children from a previous marriage, and has consistently struggled with finances. While I do feel for people who’ve suffered loss, the audacity of using that tragedy to demand I shoulder his retirement felt… astounding.
I explained calmly, “I’m sorry for your loss, truly. But Mom’s life is her own. I already support her financially, and I cannot take on your household. You have a wife and stepchildren; those should be your first point of contact for support, not me.”
He hung up, still frustrated, and sent a text calling me an AH for “laughing at family in need.” I responded with a short apology for laughing, but reiterated that I cannot fund their lifestyle and that my mom’s home is not a place for them to dump their financial responsibilities. I also explained that I’m not wealthy, and helping my mom already comes at a personal cost.
After that, multiple relatives reached out. Some were sympathetic to my uncle, saying he was “devastated” and I “handled it poorly.” Others agreed that while he might feel upset, I owed him nothing, and that my reaction was understandable.
Honestly, I keep thinking about the audacity of the request alone. He wanted to move in rent-free, expecting my mom and me to bear the cost of two additional adults, presumably indefinitely, without even considering other options. For perspective:
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My uncle has a wife and stepchildren who could share responsibility.
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He has a history of financial mismanagement.
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My mom already has limited income and health issues.
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I already provide her substantial support.
I laughed not out of cruelty, but because the idea was so absurd it caught me completely off guard. It was the “are you serious?” kind of laugh that comes from shock. I also don’t believe a serious conversation about boundaries could have started without some initial emotional reaction—it was that unexpected.
I feel confident about saying no. I’m not willing to jeopardize my mom’s wellbeing, my financial security, or my sanity. My mom’s home is her own, and she has the right to refuse anyone who would disrupt her life. I also want to protect my marriage, household, and future plans from becoming collateral damage in his financial misadventures.
I keep questioning whether I handled it appropriately, though. Could I have communicated better without laughing? Maybe. Could I have softened the “no” more? Possibly. But I also think it’s reasonable to react naturally when someone makes a wildly unreasonable request.
It’s also frustrating because my uncle has a history of avoiding responsibility. He’s asked family for money or help before, often framing it as “family duty,” and most people have quietly given in to avoid conflict. I’ve always drawn a line, and this seemed like another attempt to push past it.
In the end, my priority is clear: protect my mom, protect my home, and maintain boundaries. Laughing was my instinctive reaction to the absurdity of the request—it wasn’t intended to hurt him, but I do regret if it felt disrespectful.
I’m also trying to process the family fallout. Some relatives insist I “owe” him support because he’s elderly and grieving. But I feel that isn’t fair or reasonable. My mom’s well-being comes first, and she doesn’t want him moving in. My uncle can seek help from other avenues: government support, community programs, or his immediate family.
Reddit, AITA for laughing and firmly saying no to my uncle’s request to move into my mom’s house? I want to maintain family ties without compromising my or my mom’s stability.