I (23F) recently visited my boyfriend (23M) and his family in their state. The trip was mostly great—lots of sightseeing, meeting his family, and sharing meals. On my last day there, my boyfriend suggested we all go out for dinner. He insisted on choosing the restaurant, a place he loves, and invited five family members plus me.
The restaurant was an all-you-can-eat BBQ and sushi buffet. My boyfriend raved about it; he said it was one of his favorite places and that his family would love it. I was excited to go, too, though I have some dietary preferences. I’m not a big fan of red meat, but I eat it occasionally. I do, however, avoid pork entirely. I usually stick to chicken, shrimp, seafood, and vegetables. I’ve always been careful to respect my own dietary limits, and I thought this would be manageable at a buffet.
When we got to the restaurant, my boyfriend enthusiastically ordered a large spread: pork ribs, beef brisket, chicken, shrimp, sushi, and sides. The table groaned under the weight of the food. I carefully picked out chicken, shrimp, rice, and vegetables for myself. I wanted to enjoy the meal, and I also didn’t want to take more than I could handle—especially since the restaurant charges extra if you leave food on the plate.
Throughout the meal, I ate everything on my plate. I made sure not to waste food and was polite about trying small portions of what was offered. My boyfriend offered me beef, and I ate a small portion to be polite. But when he offered pork, I hesitated. I don’t eat pork, and I politely declined, saying I was full.
He didn’t take no for an answer. He gave me a stern look, and I could feel him pressuring me to eat more. Then, he tried to trick me into taking more pork by saying it was chicken thigh. I immediately recognized the difference and refused. I explained again that I was full and that I simply didn’t eat pork.
The mood at the table shifted after that. My boyfriend stopped talking to me as much, and I could feel tension in the air. After dinner, in the car, he confronted me.
“I can’t believe you didn’t eat more,” he said sharply. “I spent $200 on dinner, and all you ate was three pieces of chicken and some shrimp. You barely touched the beef or pork. You’re being ungrateful.”
I was stunned. “Wait, hold on,” I said. “You chose the restaurant. You invited six people, and you ordered most of the beef and pork. I ate all the food I took, which is exactly how much I can eat. I didn’t leave anything on my plate. I’m not being ungrateful—I’m being realistic about what I can actually eat.”
He frowned. “But we all went there to eat! You’re supposed to enjoy it. You’re not showing appreciation. I spent money, and you barely touched anything.”
I tried to remain calm. “I do appreciate it. I’m glad you wanted to treat everyone, and I ate everything I took. I just don’t eat pork. And I don’t like to overeat. That’s not ungrateful—it’s respecting my body.”
He shook his head. “You could have eaten a little more! It’s not that hard.”
I sighed. “No, it is hard for me. I’m full. I don’t eat pork. I don’t want to waste food. That’s it. I’m not being rude or ungrateful.”
The rest of the drive was tense. He didn’t say much, and I kept replaying the encounter in my head. I felt guilty for standing my ground, but at the same time, I knew I wasn’t in the wrong. I had respected my dietary limits, eaten all the food I could handle, and made no attempt to insult anyone. The only person who seemed upset was him.
I also kept thinking about the numbers. Yes, the bill was $200. But that included six people, plus him ordering the majority of the beef and pork himself. I was just one person. It’s not reasonable to expect me to eat a disproportionate amount just to justify the total cost. And even if he wanted me to try everything, I politely declined what I couldn’t eat.
After that night, he’s been slightly cold in texts and calls, subtly hinting that I “owe him” for dinner or that I should be more “appreciative.” I honestly don’t understand how standing by my dietary preferences and portion limits makes me ungrateful. I feel like I did everything correctly: I ate the food I like, I finished my plate, and I didn’t waste anything.
I’ve also thought about the principle here. Enjoying a dinner with family or friends doesn’t mean forcing someone to eat food they don’t like or pushing them past their limits. Respecting boundaries is part of being considerate. I feel like he’s trying to turn this into a moral failing on my part, but I don’t see it that way.
Reddit, I want an honest perspective. Am I wrong for not eating $200 worth of food? Am I being ungrateful, or is my boyfriend overreacting?