I (22F) recently got engaged to my fiancé (23M). We’ve been together for over a year, and everything seemed normal until New Year’s Eve at his parents’ house. We both still live with our parents to save money, but I stay at his place most nights since it’s closer to my job. Our relationship has always been smooth; we communicate, we compromise, and we enjoy each other’s company. Or at least, I thought we did.
The New Year’s Eve gathering was typical: family and close friends, food, drinks, and music. I was enjoying myself when his aunt offered champagne. Before I could answer, my fiancé immediately took the glass away from me. I thought it was odd but didn’t want to make a scene, so I let it go.
Later, I poured myself a drink in the kitchen—a small glass of sparkling wine—and returned to the living room. The moment he saw me, his voice shot up. “Are you drinking that?”
“Yes,” I said, surprised by his tone.
His mood shifted dramatically. He started lecturing me about being irresponsible in front of everyone. “Do you even think about the consequences of your actions?” he said, pointing at me. “You could harm the baby!”
I froze. “What baby?” I asked, utterly confused.
He looked at me, serious. “The one you’re carrying. Don’t lie to me. I know you’re pregnant. That’s why I proposed, why I’ve been monitoring what you eat, why I’ve been stepping up.”
I was stunned. “I’m not pregnant,” I said firmly.
He shook his head, his voice rising. “No, don’t lie. I know you’re trying to escape responsibility. What kind of mother would you be?”
I felt my face flush. My heart raced. I could hear murmurs from the family and friends around us, the silence growing heavy. I wanted to disappear. My fiancé kept talking, detailing how he “found a pregnancy test in the bathroom weeks ago” and assumed it was mine. According to him, it justified his proposal, his constant monitoring, and his sudden intensity about the future.
I explained again, calmly but firmly, that it wasn’t mine. I asked why he would believe something so serious without talking to me first. He didn’t respond to that. Instead, he continued accusing me of lying, of trying to trap him, and of being irresponsible.
I left that night. I grabbed my coat, walked out of his parents’ house, and went straight to my parents’ home. I didn’t look back. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and deeply hurt. I couldn’t believe that the man I was about to marry would publicly accuse me of being pregnant—and lying about it—without even confirming the facts. I felt betrayed and judged in a way that went far beyond a simple misunderstanding.
Since that night, he’s called and texted me repeatedly. He says he “acted out of concern” and insists that it was all a misunderstanding. His parents have tried to mediate. Last night, his mother reached out and said that I was overreacting and that I shouldn’t jeopardize the marriage over something trivial.
But here’s the thing: it wasn’t trivial. This wasn’t a small argument about where to eat or whose turn it is to do the dishes. This was a public accusation, in front of family and friends, about something deeply personal and private. He assumed I was pregnant, assumed I had lied to him, and made me look irresponsible and dishonest in front of everyone. That’s not something you just brush off.
I can’t stop thinking about it. Questions keep spinning in my head:
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If he never believed I was pregnant, would he have proposed at all?
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Does he really trust me, or is he willing to believe the worst without asking?
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How can I build a future with someone who publicly humiliates me over assumptions?
I love my fiancé. I really do. But I feel blindsided and unsure if I can move forward without losing a part of myself. Engagement is supposed to be a period of trust, excitement, and planning for a shared future. Instead, I feel like I’ve been shoved into a spotlight of scrutiny and doubt.
I’m also grappling with external pressures. His parents and friends are saying I’m overreacting, that I should forgive, and that I shouldn’t let one mistake ruin everything. But I can’t help feeling that this isn’t about a single “mistake.” It’s about fundamental respect, trust, and communication—things that are essential for marriage.
When I discuss it with my own parents, they tell me that engagement is a serious commitment and that I should carefully consider whether this is someone I can trust. They say that being publicly accused in such a personal way is a red flag, and that I shouldn’t ignore my instincts.
I also replay the engagement in my mind. He proposed weeks after allegedly “finding a pregnancy test” and thinking I was pregnant. If that’s true, was the engagement driven by love, or by a sense of obligation? And if he’s willing to believe I lied about something so serious, how will he react in future conflicts?
I’ve tried to talk to him calmly over the phone, but every time, he deflects and focuses on how I hurt him by “reacting so strongly” instead of acknowledging how his accusations made me feel. I’ve tried to explain that this is about trust, respect, and the humiliation of being accused publicly, but he doesn’t seem to grasp the depth of it.
I keep returning to the same thought: can a marriage survive if one partner publicly humiliates the other over an assumption? Can I trust someone who acts on a misunderstanding without first confirming the facts? Is love enough when trust is shaken this severely?
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need space to think clearly, away from the pressure of family opinions, social expectations, and his attempts to normalize what happened. I want to protect myself, but I also don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret.
Reddit, am I wrong for reconsidering my engagement after this public accusation? Am I overreacting by questioning the foundation of our relationship, or is this a legitimate concern? I need perspective.