Driving two weeks after abdominal surgery was not intelligent.<\/p>\n
I knew that.<\/p>\n
The seat belt crossed my incision at exactly the wrong angle, and every turn reminded me that my body had not healed just because my mind had decided it needed answers.<\/p>\n
Still, I drove.<\/p>\n
Nora lived about fifteen minutes away in Plymouth.<\/p>\n
Lucas called twice.<\/p>\n
I ignored him.<\/p>\n
Then a text appeared at a red light.<\/p>\n
Please come home. I will explain everything.<\/p>\n
I read it.<\/p>\n
Did not reply.<\/p>\n
Because that was exactly what frightened me.<\/p>\n
He was suddenly willing to explain.<\/p>\n
Only because Toby had seen something.<\/p>\n
Only because I was asking the right questions.<\/p>\n
Nora\u2019s house was a small rental at the end of a quiet street.<\/p>\n
Her divorce had surprised all of us.<\/p>\n
Her husband, Brian, left during her pregnancy after admitting he had been seeing someone else.<\/p>\n
Nora moved out of their apartment because she could not afford it alone.<\/p>\n
She told us she was managing.<\/p>\n
Apparently she had not been.<\/p>\n
I parked.<\/p>\n
Sat for almost a minute.<\/p>\n
My hands shook against the steering wheel.<\/p>\n
Then I walked to the door.<\/p>\n
Nora opened it holding Clara.<\/p>\n
The sight stopped me.<\/p>\n
Three weeks old.<\/p>\n
Pink blanket.<\/p>\n
Dark hair.<\/p>\n
Tiny cheek against Nora\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n
Alive.<\/p>\n
Warm.<\/p>\n
Breathing.<\/p>\n
I hated myself for the wave that went through me.<\/p>\n
Not hatred of Clara.<\/p>\n
Never.<\/p>\n
Something more primitive.<\/p>\n
My body recognizing an infant and screaming that mine should have been in my arms too.<\/p>\n
Nora saw my face.<\/p>\n
Her expression changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cBrenda.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't know you were coming.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
She adjusted Clara.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Honest.<\/p>\n
I looked at the baby.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is Clara.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cToby saw you at the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n
Everything changed.<\/p>\n
Her eyes widened.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe saw you with Lucas.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stepped backward.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome inside.\u201d<\/p>\n
I did.<\/p>\n
The living room was small.<\/p>\n
Baby equipment everywhere.<\/p>\n
Diapers.<\/p>\n
Blankets.<\/p>\n
A bottle on the coffee table.<\/p>\n
A half-folded basket of laundry.<\/p>\n
Real newborn life.<\/p>\n
I stood in the middle of it surrounded by everything missing from my house.<\/p>\n
Nora whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBrenda, you look pale.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said no.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stopped.<\/p>\n
Good.<\/p>\n
At least one person could respect that word today.<\/p>\n
I asked:<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy were you at Saint Vincent?\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked toward Clara.<\/p>\n
\u201cI needed money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas said rent.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much?\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes filled.<\/p>\n
\u201cFour thousand.\u201d<\/p>\n
That matched Toby's thick envelope.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was two months behind.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy landlord gave notice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI had hospital bills.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBrian stopped helping.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI panicked.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy cash?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas had money in the safe at work.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told him I needed it immediately.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt two in the morning?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me what happened with Melanie.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her voice cracked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI said forget it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI would figure something else out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe insisted.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy did you bring Clara?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't have anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy mother was with Toby.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy neighbor who usually helped was away.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I would meet Lucas downstairs for five minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I breathed.<\/p>\n
That part made sense.<\/p>\n
Painfully.<\/p>\n
\u201cToby saw him hold Clara.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora began crying.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
She sat carefully with Clara.<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas looked terrible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI had never seen him like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe gave me the envelope.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI opened it because I couldn't believe how much he brought.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen Clara started fussing.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked down at her daughter.<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas stared at her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen he asked if he could hold her.\u201d<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou let him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe is my brother.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd his daughter was dying.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora wiped her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cI put Clara in his arms.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe fell apart.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe kept saying, \u2018Melanie should be here.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd, \u2018They were supposed to grow up together.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe kissed Clara\u2019s head.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought he was going to collapse.\u201d<\/p>\n
My anger softened around that part.<\/p>\n
Lucas holding Clara was not betrayal.<\/p>\n
Not really.<\/p>\n
It was grief grabbing whatever living sound existed nearby.<\/p>\n
I understood that much.<\/p>\n
Then I remembered the rest.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn't you tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora flinched.<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas asked me not to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe thought seeing Clara would hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed bitterly.<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone was very committed to protecting me.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked ashamed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy did you come to see me the next afternoon?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I felt terrible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd why couldn't you look at me?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora became very still.<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
I stepped closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat else happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBrenda.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
My voice sharpened.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am done being the last person told about my own life.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora looked down at Clara.<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas needs to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat answer is not acceptable.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe is your husband.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you know the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora cried.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
Finally she whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't take Melanie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need you to understand that first.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know Clara is yours.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora nodded.<\/p>\n
Then:<\/p>\n
\u201cAsk Lucas whether he said goodbye to Melanie.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room disappeared.<\/p>\n
Not physically.<\/p>\n
My brain simply stopped processing anything except that sentence.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cAsk him.\u201d<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean, said goodbye?\u201d<\/p>\n
She stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cBrenda.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I followed.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Lucas see her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora covered her mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he hold my daughter?\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes filled.<\/p>\n
She did not answer.<\/p>\n
That was answer enough.<\/p>\n
I stepped backward.<\/p>\n
Pain flared across my incision.<\/p>\n
I barely noticed.<\/p>\n
I whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me she died before he could see her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora looked devastated.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew he lied?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe called me later.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter Clara and I left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was\u2026 destroyed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora hesitated.<\/p>\n
I raised my voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara startled and began crying.<\/p>\n
Instantly I felt ashamed.<\/p>\n
Nora moved the baby against her chest.<\/p>\n
I lowered my voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said he held Melanie.\u201d<\/p>\n
My knees weakened.<\/p>\n
I sat without deciding to.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe twenty minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the floor.<\/p>\n
Twenty minutes.<\/p>\n
A whole lifetime compared to the nothing I had.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did she look like?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora cried.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me she looked like you.\u201d<\/p>\n
My chest broke open.<\/p>\n
For two weeks I had tried to imagine my daughter\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
Did she have Lucas\u2019s nose?<\/p>\n
My hair?<\/p>\n
Toby\u2019s chin?<\/p>\n
Did she look peaceful?<\/p>\n
Had anyone touched her?<\/p>\n
Had anyone called her by name?<\/p>\n
Lucas knew.<\/p>\n
He had known every night while I lay beside him imagining emptiness.<\/p>\n
I whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora sat across from me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe thought he was protecting you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
The sound scared both of us.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBrenda.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid the hospital ask whether I wanted to see her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nora looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Lucas?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me later that staff said you could.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped breathing.<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter I woke?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood.<\/p>\n
Nora did too.<\/p>\n
\u201cBrenda, please don't drive upset.\u201d<\/p>\n
I grabbed my purse.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me call somebody.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour incision\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said no.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
Then, quietly:<\/p>\n
\u201cI am sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
I reached the door.<\/p>\n
Nora said:<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas made a terrible choice.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut he was broken too.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was what made everything worse.<\/p>\n
If Lucas had been cruel, anger would have been simple.<\/p>\n
Instead he had acted out of grief.<\/p>\n
Fear.<\/p>\n
Love twisted into control.<\/p>\n
He had taken something from me while believing he was sparing me.<\/p>\n
Intent did not restore what I lost.<\/p>\n
I drove home slower.<\/p>\n
Every mile seemed longer.<\/p>\n
I remembered waking in recovery.<\/p>\n
Lucas beside me.<\/p>\n
I asked:<\/p>\n
\u201cWas she already gone before you saw her?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
I remembered saying:<\/p>\n
\u201cSo neither of us got to hold her?\u201d<\/p>\n
He put his forehead against my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was another lie.<\/p>\n
At home, Lucas stood from the sofa when I entered.<\/p>\n
He looked terrified.<\/p>\n
\u201cNora told you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my purse down.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you hold Melanie?\u201d<\/p>\n
He closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I grabbed the chair beside me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBrenda\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout twenty minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Twenty minutes.<\/p>\n
I repeated it silently.<\/p>\n
Twenty.<\/p>\n
Minutes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did she look like?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas began crying.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
His face twisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe had your mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n
My knees almost gave out.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd your eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another sob.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe had dark hair.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot much.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut there was some.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was so small.\u201d<\/p>\n
I covered my mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas she warm?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt first.\u201d<\/p>\n
That answer destroyed me.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid she breathe?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid she move?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWas she already gone?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you talk to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas could barely answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her I was her dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her Toby loved her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her you loved her more than anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
My entire body shook.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her I was sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat we couldn't save her.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sank into the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI counted her fingers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI kissed her head.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her about the nursery.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her about the blue puppy.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sobbed.<\/p>\n
That was my goodbye.<\/p>\n
Not his exact words.<\/p>\n
But those were things I should have been able to say.<\/p>\n
Lucas whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't know if you would wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n
That stopped me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDuring the surgery.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was a complication.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey told me you were stable, but it took longer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was scared I might lose both of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo when the nurse asked if I wanted to hold Melanie\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
His voice broke.<\/p>\n
\u201cI said yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI could not let her leave without one parent holding her.\u201d<\/p>\n
And that part\u2014<\/p>\n
That part I understood so completely that I hated it.<\/p>\n
If our positions had been reversed, would I have held her?<\/p>\n
Yes.<\/p>\n
Of course.<\/p>\n
I would have held her until someone forced me to let go.<\/p>\n
My anger was not there.<\/p>\n
It was after.<\/p>\n
I whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I woke up\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe nurse said you could still see her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cCould I hold her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The word almost dropped me.<\/p>\n
I grabbed the chair harder.<\/p>\n
Lucas stood instinctively.<\/p>\n
I raised my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon't.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou decided no.\u201d<\/p>\n
He cried.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were screaming.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour blood pressure was unstable.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were in pain.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe doctor had just explained complications.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
He pressed his hands against his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought seeing her would destroy you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was my daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stepped toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you thought I was your patient.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething fragile.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething you could manage.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was terrified.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd so was I.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI had just woken up without my baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI asked you directly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you lied.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor two weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery night?\u201d<\/p>\n
His face folded.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cDid they give you anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas froze.<\/p>\n
That reaction answered before words.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnything from her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLucas.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked toward the stairs.<\/p>\n
My blood turned cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA keepsake.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFootprints.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped breathing.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUpstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou hid them?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBring them to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stood motionless.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas went upstairs.<\/p>\n
I heard a drawer.<\/p>\n
Footsteps.<\/p>\n
Then he returned holding a white envelope.<\/p>\n
Small.<\/p>\n
Ordinary.<\/p>\n
He placed it on the dining-room table.<\/p>\n
I looked at it.<\/p>\n
Two weeks.<\/p>\n
While I cried in our bed.<\/p>\n
While I begged God for one memory of my daughter\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
While I told Lucas I wished I had something proving she existed beyond ultrasound pictures\u2014<\/p>\n
He had this.<\/p>\n
I touched the envelope.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you look at it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas cried harder.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt night.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I can't sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou sit beside me looking at our daughter\u2019s footprints while I don't even know they exist.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
I opened the envelope.<\/p>\n
A card.<\/p>\n
Melanie\u2019s name.<\/p>\n
Date.<\/p>\n
Time.<\/p>\n
Weight.<\/p>\n
Length.<\/p>\n
And beneath it\u2014<\/p>\n
Two tiny blue footprints.<\/p>\n
Perfect.<\/p>\n
So small.<\/p>\n
Ten toes.<\/p>\n
I ran one finger above the ink without touching it.<\/p>\n
A sound came out of me.<\/p>\n
Not exactly a sob.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi, baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas turned away.<\/p>\n
I whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were real.\u201d<\/p>\n
Of course she was real.<\/p>\n
I carried her.<\/p>\n
Felt her kick.<\/p>\n
Saw ultrasounds.<\/p>\n
But grief had turned her into absence.<\/p>\n
The footprints gave her edges.<\/p>\n
Tiny heels.<\/p>\n
Curved arches.<\/p>\n
Toes.<\/p>\n
My daughter had been here.<\/p>\n
I looked at Lucas.<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand why you held her.\u201d<\/p>\n
His face lifted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand why you held Clara.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I do not know how to forgive what you did after I woke.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't expect you to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked upstairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cToby.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas wiped his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need to talk to him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTogether.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd tonight, you sleep downstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI already planned to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo not say that like you're giving me something.\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes closed.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then I added:<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need professional help.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lucas looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cMarriage counseling?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGrief counseling.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor Toby.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe marriage counseling too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I held the footprint card.<\/p>\n
Lucas whispered:<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I say something?\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost said no.<\/p>\n
Then:<\/p>\n
\u201cOne thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the card.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know I stole something from you.\u201d<\/p>\n
The word hit.<\/p>\n
Stole.<\/p>\n
Accurate.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I was making the least painful decision.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know now I made it more painful.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said nothing.<\/p>\n
He continued:<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I could go back, I would wake every nurse in that hospital and tell them to bring her to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I cried.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo would I.\u201d<\/p>\n
We stood there.<\/p>\n
Two grieving parents.<\/p>\n
One betrayed wife.<\/p>\n
One ashamed husband.<\/p>\n
Neither sure whether love could survive what fear had done.<\/p>\n
Then upstairs, Toby\u2019s floorboard creaked.<\/p>\n
I looked toward the staircase.<\/p>\n
Our son had spent two weeks believing money could buy his sister back.<\/p>\n
Whatever happened to our marriage, that had to stop tonight.<\/p>\n
END PART 2<\/p>\n